There is this current underneath it all, one I have learned to paddle through, all these years– a constant undertow that could drag me under if I let down my guard for even a minute.  In a way it has become part of my inner landscape, so that I could almost accept it as normal.  Except that God’s Word reminds me that it isn’t and calls me to set my feet on firm ground.  It’s been decades learning how not to swim.

I confessed this on Wednesday night, that I was a “recovering perfectionist,” in a joking way that didn’t do justice to the weight of such expectations.  Maybe it shone a light for someone else who struggles– illuminated the fact that they are not alone on the sea.  Because one thing I have discovered in all these years of leading women’s small groups, is that most of us hear those voices in our heads that tell us we don’t measure up.  Some of the voices come from the past– parents, siblings, teachers, friends– and some of them come from our own sensitivity and pride and desire to please, but all of them echo the lies of The Enemy.

And the only way to get out of the current and stand on solid ground is to recognize the lies and replace them with truth.  And this is the first and most important truth, learned as children and maybe, because of that, too often ignored: “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”

It is the basis of our trust: that our God is who He says He is, and He loves us, He loves us, He loves us.  “Your unfailing love, O LORD, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.” (Psalm 36:5 NLT)  If I know that deep down in the center of my being, I can stop swimming against this undertow, just get right out of the water and stand, feet planted in truth, despite my failures.

“Nothing can separate, even if I run away; Your love never fails.  I know I still make mistakes, but You have new mercies for me every day; Your love never fails.  You stay the same through the ages; Your love never changes. There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.  And when the oceans rage, I don’t have to be afraid, because I know that You love me.  Your love never fails.  The wind is strong and the water’s deep, but I’m not alone in these open seas. Your love never fails….You make all things work together for my good…Your love never fails.”  (Your Love Never Fails, Jesus Culture)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoezWBPGRAc

This is one of my favorite worship songs that we play in church.

In this Lenten season we turn our eyes to contemplate the Cross of Christ, set it in the center of our days, to watch and wait for Resurrection Sunday.

Appropriate that our lesson is about forgiveness this week.  The immensity of God’s choice to forgive us, wretched unrepentant rebels that we are… not out of any deserving on our part but solely out if His love, His mercy, His desire for our benefit and His own glory…it leaves us hushed and breathless as we see it unfold in Scripture.    “In [the Beloved] we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us…” (Ephesians 1:7)

Lavish grace, wonderful to receive, but much harder to give to others.  Wounds rise up, calling for justice, and it is hard to remember Whose job it is to repay– funny how strong our moral sense can be at such times, though conveniently dull when our own choices need to be made.  Emotions cloud perspective, and we forget Who is really in charge of this situation and every outcome.

But Jesus is unrelenting in His law of love: “as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”  (Colossians 3:13)  This is the standard He gives us, to bear the painful consequences of someone else’s sin humbly and patiently, as He did, and so take up our cross and follow Him.  The miracle of it is that the same resurrection power that surged through His broken body on Easter morning, beats in our wounded hearts, making us new creatures in Jesus’ image.  It’s the Easter transformation happening every day in those who choose to follow the resurrected Lord.

This is what I choose in this season of Lent, to stand in awe and praise of God’s forgiveness, and to extend it to others.  Love, the rugged choice to do what is right, leans on the Father’s love and trusts Him to rightly judge all men.  All that is mine to do is what He asks of me: come to the cross and follow Him.

“But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.”  (Isaiah 53:8)

“Given the reality of sin, love and forgiveness are inextricably bound together.”  (Dan Allender, Bold Love)

I have been traveling lately, in a busy season, one week away and then one home, a weekend trip here, then packing up again for the next journey.  I miss the familiar routines of being at home and the sense of being in touch with our church family.  Funny how a few weeks away can leave you feeling disconnected.  My father, wintering states away from us all, tells me they pray for their grandchildren every day, by name, lifting their particular needs to God; it is the little they can do for these young adults who are making life-shaping decisions, the way they can stay in touch with the people they love.  And I tell him it is not a little thing at all– it is the fitting work of God’s people to carry one another’s burdens, to lift their needs up to the Father who carries us all. And so as I travel, the Spirit brings this one and that one to mind, and I pray that needs are met, that faith will grow, that hearts are encouraged and comforted.  It is a connection across the miles, because I am still part of this Body, despite the distance.

Paul said: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2)….that is, the new commandment that Christ gave to “Love one another as I have loved you.”  Just as Christ bore the burden of our sin, because we could not, so we are to come alongside one another and bear the burdens that are too much for one person to carry alone.  Burdens of temptation, of fighting the Enemy, of doubt, of persecution, of sin (and the painful earth-shattering of its consequences), of heart-weary Homesickness.  Stepping into another’s life offering the strength and resources needed.  That is how we love as Jesus did; that is how we fulfill His law of love.  And to do that I must stay connected and pay attention, looking out for the interests of others and stooping to come alongside.

Easier to be strong for others than to be needy though.  Letting someone bear my burdens means admitting my own lack of ability….taking off the mask to let someone else see the weakness and fear.  And Paul sees us clearly: “For if anyone thinks himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”  He says it plain and simple, how we pretend to be something we aren’t….too put-together to stoop under a load.  Who do we think we are to try to run this race alone?  Only Jesus is the Author and Finisher of this journey of faith.  He went this way first so we don’t need to go it alone; we get to share the heavy lifting.

Truth is, we need each other if we are going to follow Christ through this world.  It’s both privilege and responsibility to be part of a Body, all connected.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”   (C.S.Lewis, The Four Loves)

“Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.”  (Gal. 6:2-3, The Message)

If there were one gift I could give these precious sisters, it would be this: the heart-deep knowledge that they are loved.  Unconditionally, fiercely, eternally.

We are all so hungry for it, in so many ways.  It shows up in the way we worry and struggle for more and grieve what is lost.  It shows in the sharing of our stories and all the ways we look for connection.  It even shows in the ways we distract ourselves with trivialities, wasting our time so we don’t have to face the bigger things that matter.  Underneath all of it is the one foundation question of a woman’s heart.  Does anyone love me?  Am I pretty enough…good enough…capable enough to deserve love?

And of course we are not deserving, and we feel it– the Original Sin at our roots– so that we give silent assent to the whispers inside, the constant reminders that we have fallen and are failing.  It is our broken piece that Woman carried from Eden, this hunger for love and the separation from the relationships we were meant for.

And yet it’s there, over and over, so why is it so hard for us to hear?  “Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the clouds” (Psalm 36:5) ….”Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands . . . (Isaiah 49:15-16)….”This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed His life for us.” (1 John 3:16)….”As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.  Abide in my love.” (John 15:9)

The simple truth shines out like a beacon, in the middle of our lesson on putting love into action…“The energy for love flows not out of any effort, but simply from being loved.” (Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage)  In order to love others we must know first that we are loved undeservedly and completely, not out of anything we can do– because then we would spend all our days trying to do enough– but because of who God is.  He is love.  Unconditional, self-giving, faithful love.  Poured out daily on His creation, and lavished on His children.  Pure grace that mends the broken places, frees our hearts to love others.   Receiving His love is the place we must start.

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Eph.3:14-19)

I saw it again last week, how differently family members mesh together, and the need to bend into the curves of another’s shape in order to connect, build relationship. Even when we love one another, we use different ways to say it, and if we aren’t looking, we might miss it altogether just because we don’t understand the language.  Tragic result of our Fall, that we could live together for a lifetime and never understand each other’s hearts.

Both my children have the love language of physical touch*, which was easy when they were small and depended so much on me for physical help.  Now that they are young adults I have to slow down and just sit close on the couch with them, stand in long hugs, hold hands.  It’s not my language, so I tend to get bored and hurry on– so much easier to bake cookies and vacuum and organize closets… to me that is splashing “I love you” all across the walls.

My daughter is starting to realize this and bends herself to stand and cook with me in the kitchen, join with me on projects and talk while our hands work, busy together.  That is a language that I hear loud and clear: I love you. I want to help you, partner with you.  She is good with gifts too, brought home a handful of her scarves this week, “ones I thought would look good on you, so you can wear them.”

My son just wants to be with us, and it doesn’t even matter what we are doing.  Car rides, watching movies, eating in a restaurant, playing a game, or taking a hike all speak the language of love.  He wants that quality time, undistracted and unhurried.  I must slow down and bend into the shape of his heart, so he can hear my love.

My husband values affirmation and encouragement himself, takes time to give them to others.  I can see him bending to speak love to others, with words they can hear; I bend back to tell him what is good, to thank him and build him up.

If we are to speak each other’s language at home, we will have to slow down, pay attention, and really listen to one another…. pay attention to the ones we love and recognize how to say it in a language they can understand….bend to fit their shapes instead of forcing our own.  Love speaks many languages, and God made them all, communicates in every way possible to us.  Here we can practice how to speak them all too, so that Someday we can love as He loves.

* The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, New York Times bestseller since 1992.

“Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.”  (From www.5lovelanguages.com)

“Love never ends….now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” (1 Cor. 13:8,12)