Those who know me well know I can be mercilessly critical of myself — particularly of my ministry. Yesterday, I preached a sermon twice. That’s not new; I’ve been doing the two services for, what, about a month? But this week I observed something peculiar.

In the first service, I sensed the Holy Spirit’s presence in a greater way than the norm. I can’t explain how that feels or how it happens, but there are times in a service when you can feel the Holy Spirit working in a special way. Such was the case for me in the first service. But in the second service, I felt none of that. I felt like the sermon was disjointed. It seemed to me that the illustrations were muddy. I thought that the applications were irrelevant. And I felt that it was way too long — like ten minutes longer than the first. Giving you a glimpse into my struggle I admit to you that this was so distressing that I wondered, “What am I doing? This sermon is pathetic! I should stop now!” Sunday afternoon I listened to the first service. I was right — it was as good a sermon as God ever allows me to preach. I didn’t listen to the second service. I didn’t want to face the discouragement I was sure it would bring.

It wasn’t until this morning, Monday, that I listened to the second. And as I did, I realized it was the same as the first. In fact, every criticism I had leveled at myself from Sunday noon until Monday morning was false. The sermon was cohesive, the illustrations clear, the application accurate, and the time — if you take out the technical glitch, it was two minutes shorter than the early service. The words were the same; the tone was the same; the heart was the same. And I have a sneaking suspicion that the work of the Spirit was the same.

I am just clueless, at times.

This leads me to speak to you about your cluelessness. Self-criticism can be a tool that the enemy uses to make you give up. But the truth is that we are often clueless as to the effectiveness of our service to God. Only he can objectively evaluate. And in his grace he accepts that which is lacking, improves that which is weak, and judges by standards separate from ours.

In response to the fact that we are unable to judge objectively, God says, “I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.” — Jeremiah 17:10 (NIV)

Do yourself a favor: Obey the leading of God as he directs you to serve him. Leave the criticism to him.

Because it was shorter, I posted the audio from the second sermon on the church web site. If you would like to hear the first, it’s here. I am pretty confident that both of them are good. 🙂

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