Originally published on March 10, 2014.

Fear came knocking this week. I am not by nature a brave or adventurous person, so I know that visitor well. I am very familiar with it in all of its manifestations, have learned in the trenches to fight back with the Truth of God’s Word, found that maybe faith isn’t so much about banishing fear as it is about stepping off the cliff anyway and believing that there is Someone whose everlasting arms are beneath you.

Nevertheless, this week fear showed up on my doorstep again. It underlined the uncertainties of trying something new, pointed out all the ways this could flop sideways into chaos and frustration for a whole roomful of people, and I would be responsible. It called on the telephone with a whole list of what if’s for the future, all the possibilities for pain and loss. It chirped in text messages about questions left unanswered and days long waiting, wondering what end will be written to their stories. It tied itself in knots about wrong choices made that will have any number of miserable consequences, and fretted about people not having more sense. It crept in through the cracks… seeping into my dreams at night, hovering in the background of everyday activity, piling up in my heart till I could hardly breathe under the weight of it.

And by the end of the week I could see how George MacDonald was right in that old classic children’s tale, when he observed “But that is the way fear serves us: it always sides with the thing we are afraid of.” (The Princess and The Goblin) And I see yet again how fear magnifies the waves around me, drains my strength, makes me forget the One who walks with me and speaks “Peace, be still” to the storm. I am no Peter, to jump out of the boat at a moment’s notice. Never mind that he actually managed to walk on water with his eyes on Jesus for even a few minutes; the fear-tentacles pulling Peter down into deep dark water is what always stands out to me in that story, and the way Jesus grips His hand hard. ” ‘You have so little faith,’ Jesus said. ‘Why did you doubt me?’ ” (Matthew 14:31)

See, it wasn’t about the stormy waves at all. It was about what a man could trust and where he could plant his feet solidly enough to stand. And if there is one thing I have found, it is that Jesus keeps calling us into the unknown, asking us to follow Him, and we need to know what to stand on. Someone remembered in our small group about a saying she always heard at home: “When fear comes knocking, answer it with faith.” Indeed, faith is the only good answer to that familiar, unwelcome visitor. Faith ignores all the uncertainties, all the what-ifs, all the unknowns and mistakes and regrets, and does what is right anyway. Faith stands in the middle of the dark amid crashing waves that threaten to swallow up the world, and fixes its eyes on Jesus, finds peace.  Paul wasn’t writing a pleasant Thought for The Day when he said “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.” (Philippians 4:6) He was telling us what to do when fear rises, giving directions on how to find calm when storms surround.

“Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7) Pray, ask specifically for help, give thanks…. it reads like a prescription for peace.

It’s a choice, of course, like everything else in our faith-growth process: which voices we will listen to, what we will focus our thoughts on…how to answer the door when fear comes knocking.

~~~~~~~

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

~~~~~~~

You call me out upon the waters:
The great unknown, where feet may fail.
And there I find You in the mystery;
In oceans deep,
My faith will stand….
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders;
Let me walk upon the waters,
Wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
And my faith will be made stronger,
In the presence of my Savior.

Oceans, Hillsong United

One of the worst things about adding on the years is that feeling that you are running out of time– to get it right, to fix the broken things, learn how to live well– and after all this time, shouldn’t you be getting better at all of this? What if there simply aren’t enough second chances in life, or even third, fourth, or fifth ones? Maybe after all the blind alleys you’ve run down, and all the winding detours, you just stop wherever you are someday, and that’s as far as you get. It’s a recurring thought that haunts me.

But we talk around the table about recognizing the real Enemy of our souls. About fighting the real battles in life instead of the flesh-and-blood people we see everyday. And how we have been hearing the roaring lies of that Adversary all our lives, until it is just so much background noise. We encourage one another to examine the words we tell ourselves, and replace the lies with Scripture-truth, one line at a time. A habit has to start somewhere, so we take the first step again and again every day. It takes practice to build any skill, and the beloved disciple John reminds us that it is our responsibility to seek out truth and walk in its light, because “God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all” (1 John 1:5). He is crystal clear about the outcome of our efforts: “…if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7) And as we ask for wisdom and eyes to see, the truth takes root in our souls.

A sister-mentor writes this week in startling black and white that “you aren’t all you want to be and neither is anyone you love” (Ann VosKamp), and there is a sudden burst of clarity– what CS Lewis called undeception— that reveals my haunting fear as nothing more than the Enemy’s roaring in the night. Every glossy magazine article out there, each stunning decorating idea and delicious recipe we pin, every beautiful photo in a blog post, each crammed-full calendar page is subtle pressure to measure up. Every opinion from someone we care about, even the helpful book on how to improve this-or-that weighs in on the phantom scale measuring the worth of our lives. It’s no wonder that women suffer from anxiety and depression. But you know, even if everyone is convinced of the same lie, it doesn’t make it any less false. I could work myself to the grave and never satisfy those impossible standards. I bow broken to realize that I will never be enough….we are all not-enough…. and that is the bare truth that takes a certain kind of courage to face. It feels like fighting my way through the shell of this world, splintering through the veneer of perfection into a freedom that admits my inability and is content to be real and imperfect, because Christ is sufficient in all of His glory. Happy are the poor in spirit, who know they are beggars in every way that matters, for the King of Heaven has come down to them with outstretched arms.

Who I am is not about what I have done but about the Creator who made me and knows me by name, calls me His own and beloved. Nothing I fear, and nothing I have done will change who He is or how He sees me. This is truth to stand on and truth that can fight the Enemy’s lies. For every misdirection the Adversary throws at me, there is an answering Word of Scripture that solidly defends against his attack. The Church-planter Paul sums it up in one of his most beloved paragraphs, and I can only imagine the joyful tears and hallelujahs that were offered up in the gathering when this letter was first read aloud to the early believers: “Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us….I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:34, 37-39) Amen and amen.

The years of my life will be full of mistakes and detours and slow-learning lessons. But they will also be full of the grace and lovingkindness of the Savior. And there will be just the right number of years for this honestly real and not-enough girl to do the things He has for me to do. The Church-planter writes confidently, “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” (Philippians 1:6) He will be enough for me in whatever time I have left.

~~~~~~~

Shame takes what we’ve done and uses it to attack who we are….Shame can only operate in the shadows of our fears, but when we bring those fears to light they lose their power….See, truth does the opposite of shame. Truth takes who we are and uses it to attack what we’ve done….We do all of this with God’s word because nothing is truer than what God has said.

Paul Jenkins

~~~~~~~

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one…. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Ephesians 6:16,18

(Originally published January 29, 2014.)

It really does matter what you believe down inside. It is neither abstract nor separate from everyday life. It’s what the Wise King warned about: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23) It’s easy to apply that to the importance of keeping a heart pure from sin, but his caution is so much deeper and more vital than that. Above everything else you do in life, guard what you believe to be true, for that will form the framework of the life you build; it will determine the way you perceive the world around you, others, God, yourself.  What you believe about reality will determine your values, your goals, your decisions. What you believe will shape your responses to everything you experience, so be careful and guard your heart– this is vital for living.

And yet, when you think about it, how unconsciously and gradually those beliefs and perspectives were built, most of them when we were too young to even question or evaluate them. My worth depends on my performance…or my looks…or my possessions…or my position. My happiness depends on being loved and approved of…or being in control…or satisfying my desires…or having everything go well. All childish sandcastles that could never sustain the weight of a real life. It doesn’t matter precisely how or when we acquired them– they are all only variations of the first lie we listened to, way back at the beginning of time, when the Serpent whispered in Woman’s ear that maybe God wasn’t really Who He said He was, wasn’t really enough for them. Try something else, he said, and she did. And we did. All of us, building fragile on things that shift with the tide.

The children sing on Sunday morning, little fists thumping gleefully one atop the other as they lay up bricks: “The wise man built his house upon the rock, the wise man built his house upon the rock, and the rains came tumbling down…” Because the storms do that, in life, full floods bursting in when you least expect it, or even just the slow steady dripping that rises till it is mountain-high, and that’s when you get to see what a house is really made of, no matter how it looks on the outside.  I ask the children if the song is really about building houses and they quickly shake their heads no. They anticipate my question now, because we talk about it every time we sing the song. We talk about how we are building our lives, and it matters what we build on; any foundation other than Jesus’ teachings is shifting sand, like sandcastles on the beach when the waves rush in. “The foolish man built his house upon the sand, and the rains came tumbling down.” The little ones love to crash to the floor at the end, laughing at how the house on the sand collapsed as the floods came up.

But I have seen whole lives collapse under the weight of losing a career…the sheer pain of carving up a marriage…the inexorable advance of cancer…the slow despair of years that eat up dreams. Those kinds of floods bring utter ruin, unless your house is built on solid Truth.

No matter what I have or don’t have, my house can stand if I have this: “Be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ ” (Hebrews 13:5) Regardless of what sorrow comes, and no matter how hard the winds blow, we have an unshakable foundation: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) Relationships may fail to nourish, and people we should be able to trust can prove wildly undependable, but Peter shouts out joyfully that we are valued and loved by the One who sent His Son to die for us: “… you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation,God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.” (1 Peter 2:9) There is Truth to put down in the center of our hearts and guard with all our might, if we know where to find it.

James urges his readers: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5) Just go looking in the right place, the Elder Brother says…go right to the source, and you will find the wisdom you need.  But you had better be ready to look deep inside yourself and confront what is really there, because many of us have learned the right words– what we say we believe– even while living out a different set of beliefs at the core of us. It’s easy to convince ourselves that we are building strong, when all we are really doing is painting the same old flimsy structure and planting flowers. No wonder the writer of Hebrews emphasizes the power of Scripture in our lives, calling it  “…alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12) If you want to know what you really believe, God’s Word is the measuring stick and the light that shines into the darkest, most hidden closets.

And the Wise King waxes eloquent about the benefits of building strong. “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” (Proverbs 24:3-4)

~~~~~~~

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ Alone, Keith Getty

~~~~~~~

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

Proverbs 14:1

(Originally published on January 18, 2014.)

It’s odd, really, the way we define ourselves in terms of what we do and who we know. Daughter of these parents…accountant for this firm…mother of this child…horse-lover…nurse…artist…wife…good cook…best friend. We spend our whole lives looking for where we fit in, searching for the labels that will tell us who we are and make us feel good about ourselves….and then hanging onto those for dear life, because what if we lose those definitions and have nothing left? I guess when we come into this world under the proud gaze of two young parents, the first label is already waiting for us with the name they choose, and it never even occurs to us to stop collecting as we go, to step back and question the whole mind-set.

But we who know the Creator have a larger picture to consider, because our lives are not bounded and defined by what happens on this earth. Long before we were laid in our parents’ arms, Someone dreamed us up and designed us down to the smallest detail, saw all of our decisions in all of our days, knew what we would do and who we would become, chose where to put us down into those parents’ arms. “I am God’s workmanship. I am valuable to God.” He who calls all the stars by name and holds them in their places knows the real me– the person I am on the inside– and loves me for that, just because He made me. “I am God’s treasure. I am capable.” And we who know the Savior have an identity that He gives us– Truth to live by that is so much bigger than what we do, or who we know. “I am forgiven. I am free. I am being transformed. I am welcome in Gods’ presence.” Because when you know God for Who He really is, you can begin to know yourself for who you really are.

There is stability in knowing who you are on the inside, in laying aside the outside labels that come and go, that may be ill-fitting and even destructive, or may not ever fully materialize the way we wish they would. There is a freedom in being who God made you to be, laying down the worry about what others want you to be. There is security in knowing you are completely loved, no matter whether you succeed or fail.

And when we go around the room and read these truths to one another, I see it on each face, hear it in the voices soft and reverent: the power of Truth to nourish souls. “I am a new creation. I am gifted with power, love, and a sound mind. I am an heir of God. I am God’s delight.”

~~~~~~~

 
The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become – because He made us. He invented us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be. . .It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.
 

CS Lewis

~~~~~~~

Before the throne of God above,
I have a strong and perfect plea;
A great High Priest whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands;
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in heav’n He stands,
No tongue can bid me thence depart…

Before the Throne of God Above, Bob Kauflin