I saw it again last week, how differently family members mesh together, and the need to bend into the curves of another’s shape in order to connect, build relationship. Even when we love one another, we use different ways to say it, and if we aren’t looking, we might miss it altogether just because we don’t understand the language.  Tragic result of our Fall, that we could live together for a lifetime and never understand each other’s hearts.

Both my children have the love language of physical touch*, which was easy when they were small and depended so much on me for physical help.  Now that they are young adults I have to slow down and just sit close on the couch with them, stand in long hugs, hold hands.  It’s not my language, so I tend to get bored and hurry on– so much easier to bake cookies and vacuum and organize closets… to me that is splashing “I love you” all across the walls.

My daughter is starting to realize this and bends herself to stand and cook with me in the kitchen, join with me on projects and talk while our hands work, busy together.  That is a language that I hear loud and clear: I love you. I want to help you, partner with you.  She is good with gifts too, brought home a handful of her scarves this week, “ones I thought would look good on you, so you can wear them.”

My son just wants to be with us, and it doesn’t even matter what we are doing.  Car rides, watching movies, eating in a restaurant, playing a game, or taking a hike all speak the language of love.  He wants that quality time, undistracted and unhurried.  I must slow down and bend into the shape of his heart, so he can hear my love.

My husband values affirmation and encouragement himself, takes time to give them to others.  I can see him bending to speak love to others, with words they can hear; I bend back to tell him what is good, to thank him and build him up.

If we are to speak each other’s language at home, we will have to slow down, pay attention, and really listen to one another…. pay attention to the ones we love and recognize how to say it in a language they can understand….bend to fit their shapes instead of forcing our own.  Love speaks many languages, and God made them all, communicates in every way possible to us.  Here we can practice how to speak them all too, so that Someday we can love as He loves.

* The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, New York Times bestseller since 1992.

“Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.”  (From www.5lovelanguages.com)

“Love never ends….now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” (1 Cor. 13:8,12)