Our lesson this week is about growing in love by abiding in Christ.  Both those things take all my effort.  I have read dozens of books on marriage and family and counseling and understanding all the ways our minds turn as they do.  They use so many words to describe relationships and the managing of them, to explain how to balance, how to understand all the complexities.  Few of them are brave enough (or truthful enough) to tell me that love will take all of me, everything I have and more.

Because love is not a 50-50 relationship, no matter how you look at it.  It takes all you have and all the other person has, to make it work.  Not a partnership but a self-giving,  and the joy is in the willingness of both parties.  Learning more love is the hardest thing we do in life, because dying to self is never easy.

Abiding is no easier.  It sounds peaceful, like a cottage in the woods with flower vines growing up the front, something quiet and quaint and soothing.  Jesus said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.  Abide in my love.” (John 15:9)  It sounds like a good place to live.

But in the next verse He explained what abiding means: “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in His love.”  Abiding is obedience.  Obedience is something I am still learning, along with trust– sometimes quick and joyful, sometimes wrestling with old pain, sometimes bending my thoughts and choices around Your mold with all my strength like red-hot metal on the forge.  But I follow along after You and listen for Your voice… “just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in His love.”  I can’t think of a better place to live.  But it is not quaint and soothing.  It is dying.

And all this giving and dying for what?  Again, Jesus spells it out for me: “…apart from me you can do nothing….Ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you….By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples….As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you….that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full….I have called you friends.” (John 15:5,7-9,11,15)  If I am going to grow in love and abide in Christ it will take all my effort and all my desire– no careless living or peaceful existing– and yet ironically it will fill me up with the very things I need the most, the things I absolutely cannot live without.

The books aren’t wrong, they just don’t push far enough into the matter to see clearly.  They smooth over how rugged the choice to do right can actually be.  They assume that all of us want to give and to get, so if everyone gives half we will all remain even.  The fact is, I don’t always want to give, and the fear of not remaining even makes me withhold even more.

Love is an all-out business.  “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command you.” (John 15:13-14)  It’s going to take all you have.

“The abiding believer is the only legitimate believer.”  (John MacArthur)

“…you can’t wonder why love’s wearing thin when you’re wearing a thick layer of self.” (Ann Voskamp)