I am not a risk-taker by nature.  I am a planner, an organizer, a gatherer of information.  I enjoy routine and familiarity.  But this business of following Christ, following the Call, it means stepping out to the end of the limb over and over again, following His beckoning into the unknown and, like a child, expecting Him to catch me.

Not that I’ve learned to climb out fearlessly.  When I was new to all this, I thought I would get over the fear with experience and prayer and maturity.  So I pressed on through sleepless nights, wobbly knees, and weight-on-my-chest panic attacks, calls for help flung heavenward, hanging on for dear life, thinking that someday I could be polished and confident out there on my own.

By now I have accepted the fact that the fear is not going anywhere.  It is part of my brokenness, and instead I have learned to feel it, recognize it for what it is, and step blindly into the unknown future anyway.  He is big enough to carry all that fear, and big enough to catch me too, and His plans are big enough that I wouldn’t miss out on them for anything, just for the sake of feeling safe.  Because nothing is safe in this world except it is in His arms.

So when I started hearing the small voice saying it was time to write again, and it didn’t fade with time, I looked for a Where and a When, even while the fears were talking in my head about what people would think– and what if I tried and failed– and what if I were transparent and it was all for nothing.  And one day it was quite clear there was a new branch to climb out onto.

Every week in our small group I meet with a roomful of women who are transparent about loving Jesus and wanting to grow more like Him; we laugh and sometimes cry, and share our struggles, and study God’s Truth to find our way through this life.  It’s a personal risk, connecting with other women in a small group, but it is well worth it.  In the between times, we pray for one another and think about what we have learned so far, and I will write my own thoughts here for them, and for all of us women who are following after Christ into the unknown.  Because it is worth it.